Customer: I'm looking to get an ethernet cable, maybe 20 metres long.
Me: Sorry, we've only got up to 15.
Customer: That's okay, I can join two of them together with one of those- what do you call those little things?
Me: An RJ45 coupler?
Customer: Yeah, that's it- hmm, that sounds really kinky doesn't it? 'Coupler' sounds like it's some kind of weird sex toy.
Me: Yeah, we don't really sell sex toys in the store...
In future, remind me to call those things 'joiners' and not 'couplers'...
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
The Toner is IN the printer...?
Today, I had another one of those terrific phone conversations where people treat me as technical support.
News flash: I am not.
Whenever I buy something, I don't generally ring up the place I bought it from and make them walk me through the process of what is clearly laid out in the instruction manual. Surely, you would actually ring the manufacturer who pays people to act as specialised tech support, rather than a store that has only four staff working per day? It's like buying bedsheets, then ringing up Target asking for washing instructions.
Seems harsh? Quite a few of the queries I get could be solved with a simple search in Google or a look at the troubleshooting manual. I don't mind it when customers come in with mild troubleshooting questions, or if they bring in their instruction manuals wanting to know the best way to connect their equipment. But making me act as your tech support on the phone? No. I have better things to do with my $13/hr. Like spray isopropyl on everything.
This is what transpired today:
"Hi. We purchased a printer from your store this morning."
"Oh, okay. And?"
"We can't get it to work."
"What seems to be the problem?"
"It's just not printing."
"Okay. Have you inserted the toner?"
"The what?"
"The toner. That big black thing that came in the packaging."
"What's a toner?"
Five minutes later...
"Look at the top of the box where it says CONTENTS. THERE SHOULD BE A PICTURE OF THE TONER."
"I don't see it."
"Okay....there's a picture of the printer. And a picture of the manual. And two cables. And next to it there's this great ugly thing that is a picture of the toner cartridge."
Five minutes later...
"Can you open the lid for me?"
"How do I do that?"
"Just...open the top. Pretend the laser printer is a top-loading washing machine. Just open the top."
"I can't see it."
"There's a NOTCH FOR YOUR FINGER TO LIFT UP THE LID ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE."
Five minutes later...
"I can't get the lid shut."
"Have you snapped the toner in place?"
"Which bit is the toner?"
AAAARGH.
Five minutes later...
"Please stop thinking of this printer as an inkjet printer. THE TONER IS LIKE ONE FOOT LONG. IT IS NOT A LITTLE CARTRIDGE. BIG. BLACK. PLASTIC. THING."
Two minutes later...
"Look, I really cannot act as technical support for 20 minutes on the phone- I have customers to serve and HP have a support line that should be open tomorrow."
"But I need to print today."
"Well, if you give me your number I can call you back in 15 minutes when the store isn't quite so busy."
"But I'm going out in the afternoon. I won't be home."
Oh, gee. Sorry I can't fit into your schedule, ma'am.
Two minutes later, I had managed to extract myself from the gruelling conversation, during which I tried to stab myself with a blue biro in front of my colleague.
After I'd put the phone down, I turned to face the next customer who had caught the last five minutes of my barely repressed laser toner rage.
The customer looked at me, and smiled a little sheepishly before he said:
"Um, I know this is the last thing you want to hear...but I need help with a printer."
News flash: I am not.
Whenever I buy something, I don't generally ring up the place I bought it from and make them walk me through the process of what is clearly laid out in the instruction manual. Surely, you would actually ring the manufacturer who pays people to act as specialised tech support, rather than a store that has only four staff working per day? It's like buying bedsheets, then ringing up Target asking for washing instructions.
Seems harsh? Quite a few of the queries I get could be solved with a simple search in Google or a look at the troubleshooting manual. I don't mind it when customers come in with mild troubleshooting questions, or if they bring in their instruction manuals wanting to know the best way to connect their equipment. But making me act as your tech support on the phone? No. I have better things to do with my $13/hr. Like spray isopropyl on everything.
This is what transpired today:
"Hi. We purchased a printer from your store this morning."
"Oh, okay. And?"
"We can't get it to work."
"What seems to be the problem?"
"It's just not printing."
"Okay. Have you inserted the toner?"
"The what?"
"The toner. That big black thing that came in the packaging."
"What's a toner?"
Five minutes later...
"Look at the top of the box where it says CONTENTS. THERE SHOULD BE A PICTURE OF THE TONER."
"I don't see it."
"Okay....there's a picture of the printer. And a picture of the manual. And two cables. And next to it there's this great ugly thing that is a picture of the toner cartridge."
Five minutes later...
"Can you open the lid for me?"
"How do I do that?"
"Just...open the top. Pretend the laser printer is a top-loading washing machine. Just open the top."
"I can't see it."
"There's a NOTCH FOR YOUR FINGER TO LIFT UP THE LID ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE."
Five minutes later...
"I can't get the lid shut."
"Have you snapped the toner in place?"
"Which bit is the toner?"
AAAARGH.
Five minutes later...
"Please stop thinking of this printer as an inkjet printer. THE TONER IS LIKE ONE FOOT LONG. IT IS NOT A LITTLE CARTRIDGE. BIG. BLACK. PLASTIC. THING."
Two minutes later...
"Look, I really cannot act as technical support for 20 minutes on the phone- I have customers to serve and HP have a support line that should be open tomorrow."
"But I need to print today."
"Well, if you give me your number I can call you back in 15 minutes when the store isn't quite so busy."
"But I'm going out in the afternoon. I won't be home."
Oh, gee. Sorry I can't fit into your schedule, ma'am.
Two minutes later, I had managed to extract myself from the gruelling conversation, during which I tried to stab myself with a blue biro in front of my colleague.
After I'd put the phone down, I turned to face the next customer who had caught the last five minutes of my barely repressed laser toner rage.
The customer looked at me, and smiled a little sheepishly before he said:
"Um, I know this is the last thing you want to hear...but I need help with a printer."
Friday, August 1, 2008
Cables, Trade-Ins, and Other Matters...
Today, I went searching for a VGA cable.
I thought that it would be a simple enough task.
But for some odd reason, NO ONE STOCKS THEM.
Well, I'll clarify this a bit- what I was after was a 15 pin male to female VGA extension cable, not your normal male-male (insert immature giggle here) cable. I tried FIVE stores. FIVE. Including my university computer shop, which seems to have whored itself out to Apple and now seems to be solely worshiping the shrine of Steve Jobs.
I told the guy what I was after, and he goes, "Well...we have cables to connect the Macs."
("Hi, I'm a Mac!" "And I'm a PC!" Do not distract me with your Mac words, peasant!)
And then he suggested the company for which I work.
But no, my store doesn't have male-female VGA cables. We also charge $40 for normal cables, which is just plain stupid.
Anyway...I toddled off to the industrial zone near my university, which has quite a few little computer shops nestled into it. Despite the fact that they are really quite tiny little shops, the I.T guys there were lovely. And...well, they could speak English. It was nice to have a conversation that didn't run along the lines of:
"Excuse me, do you have VGA cables?"
"VGA?"
"Yes, VGA. 15 pin male to female."
"Ahhh....we no have VGA cable. All sold out."
*Awkward pause*
"Um...do you usually stock them?"
"No more. Run out."
"Well, would you be able to order them in?"
*Uncomprehending blinking ensues*
"Never mind."
Finally, I reached the very end of the industrial area and struck gold. And the cables were like $5 each. Mentally, I uttered a joyful "WOOT!" as I handed my $10 over, while the jolly old man at the counter told me that the company I work for was basically 'daylight robbery!'.
Daylight robbery or not, my humble little electronics job has paid my way through law school :)
The cables were actually for a very good friend of mine, Kryssy. In fact, I dedicate this post to her, as she's just bloody awesome. I've shrieked through Halo on her old black brick, dragged her through JB jumping up and down at a Force Unleashed mock-up, rung her in the middle of the exam period wanting her advice whilst standing at an EB clearance table, and tottered around Chadstone with her on a PS3-buying expedition, dragging a limited-edition lead safe that came with GTAIV. (That was a brilliant expedition. She got her PS3, I got knee-length black leather boots. Happiness.)
Anyway...half an hour after I got home, she came over so we could go to my local GameTraders to trade in her all her old stuff. And there was a LOT. Like three bags full. The first was filled to the brim- and imagine a large retail bag FILLED WITH PLAYSTATION TWO GAMES- the second was filled with PS1 stuff, and the third had a Xbox Console plus games and controllers.
Suffice to say, the first bag actually broke when I'd only taken ten steps away from the car, but we managed to stumble into Game Traders- I heaved up the first bag on the counter with a large THUMP and said, "We'd like to trade."
The woman at GameTraders looked distinctly unimpressed.
We let her sort all that out while I snickered through the old Mega Drive collection and viewed their SNES collection with sweet nostalgia. Kryssy got a pretty good deal- she got Call of Duty 4 and Kane and Lynch for the PS3 and that only took up like half of her trade-in credit. Pretty sweet.
We had a most excellent day- and to Kryssy, I say thank you. For years of friendship and gaming and ranting...I have so many happy (and highly amusing) memories. Sitting on your living room floor and pouring through X-Men comics. Playing Mortal Kombat on your PS2 and yelling, "MY HAT KILLS PEOPLE!". Leaving the cinema after Iron Man two minutes before they played Samuel L. Jackson's cameo, saying to you, "Boy, I wish they'd showed Nick Fury from S.H.I.E.L.D." (Am still slapping myself over that one.)
And yeah, being defeated by a flight of stairs in Halo and then screaming and firing blindly when a bunch of beaky aliens jumped out at me behind a crate.
I'll learn how to shoot straight one of these days...
I thought that it would be a simple enough task.
But for some odd reason, NO ONE STOCKS THEM.
Well, I'll clarify this a bit- what I was after was a 15 pin male to female VGA extension cable, not your normal male-male (insert immature giggle here) cable. I tried FIVE stores. FIVE. Including my university computer shop, which seems to have whored itself out to Apple and now seems to be solely worshiping the shrine of Steve Jobs.
I told the guy what I was after, and he goes, "Well...we have cables to connect the Macs."
("Hi, I'm a Mac!" "And I'm a PC!" Do not distract me with your Mac words, peasant!)
And then he suggested the company for which I work.
But no, my store doesn't have male-female VGA cables. We also charge $40 for normal cables, which is just plain stupid.
Anyway...I toddled off to the industrial zone near my university, which has quite a few little computer shops nestled into it. Despite the fact that they are really quite tiny little shops, the I.T guys there were lovely. And...well, they could speak English. It was nice to have a conversation that didn't run along the lines of:
"Excuse me, do you have VGA cables?"
"VGA?"
"Yes, VGA. 15 pin male to female."
"Ahhh....we no have VGA cable. All sold out."
*Awkward pause*
"Um...do you usually stock them?"
"No more. Run out."
"Well, would you be able to order them in?"
*Uncomprehending blinking ensues*
"Never mind."
Finally, I reached the very end of the industrial area and struck gold. And the cables were like $5 each. Mentally, I uttered a joyful "WOOT!" as I handed my $10 over, while the jolly old man at the counter told me that the company I work for was basically 'daylight robbery!'.
Daylight robbery or not, my humble little electronics job has paid my way through law school :)
The cables were actually for a very good friend of mine, Kryssy. In fact, I dedicate this post to her, as she's just bloody awesome. I've shrieked through Halo on her old black brick, dragged her through JB jumping up and down at a Force Unleashed mock-up, rung her in the middle of the exam period wanting her advice whilst standing at an EB clearance table, and tottered around Chadstone with her on a PS3-buying expedition, dragging a limited-edition lead safe that came with GTAIV. (That was a brilliant expedition. She got her PS3, I got knee-length black leather boots. Happiness.)
Anyway...half an hour after I got home, she came over so we could go to my local GameTraders to trade in her all her old stuff. And there was a LOT. Like three bags full. The first was filled to the brim- and imagine a large retail bag FILLED WITH PLAYSTATION TWO GAMES- the second was filled with PS1 stuff, and the third had a Xbox Console plus games and controllers.
Suffice to say, the first bag actually broke when I'd only taken ten steps away from the car, but we managed to stumble into Game Traders- I heaved up the first bag on the counter with a large THUMP and said, "We'd like to trade."
The woman at GameTraders looked distinctly unimpressed.
We let her sort all that out while I snickered through the old Mega Drive collection and viewed their SNES collection with sweet nostalgia. Kryssy got a pretty good deal- she got Call of Duty 4 and Kane and Lynch for the PS3 and that only took up like half of her trade-in credit. Pretty sweet.
We had a most excellent day- and to Kryssy, I say thank you. For years of friendship and gaming and ranting...I have so many happy (and highly amusing) memories. Sitting on your living room floor and pouring through X-Men comics. Playing Mortal Kombat on your PS2 and yelling, "MY HAT KILLS PEOPLE!". Leaving the cinema after Iron Man two minutes before they played Samuel L. Jackson's cameo, saying to you, "Boy, I wish they'd showed Nick Fury from S.H.I.E.L.D." (Am still slapping myself over that one.)
And yeah, being defeated by a flight of stairs in Halo and then screaming and firing blindly when a bunch of beaky aliens jumped out at me behind a crate.
I'll learn how to shoot straight one of these days...
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